I'm thinking about QUITTING blogging. THERE, I've said it. Or written it, I guess. I mean, I definitely won't quit the collab blog. That's more like writing letters to friends or something. But THIS. I just don't know. I don't like it like I used to.
Blogging used to be a chance to be ME. To express myself in a place where, sure, people would read it, but the people reading it would be vague, distant people. There was no pressure to write the right things or make things interesting or be anything other than myself. But now. The people who read this are people that I genuinely care about. I want to impress you, engage you, not offend you, ETC. So many of my feelings are tied in with people who could possibly read this. My online friends have become more real to me than a lot of my irl friends. And I just don't know if I can DO this anymore. I write these really long paragraphs and promptly delete them because they won't convey the right message about who I am or because they might hurt someone or because they might make someone think less of me or WHATEVER. Whatever the reason, I don't like that I do it. I don't like to censor myself when blogging. But the thing is, it can't be helped when I CARE about my audience. There's a certain FREEDOM to not really KNOWING your audience. When I started BEDA back in 2009, I didn't REALLY care about anyone's opinions. I was going to go on my egotistical little rants and WHO CARES if no one liked them or liked me. And, sure, I wanted to amuse anyone who happened to peruse my posts, but it wasn't something I got UPSET about if I didn't feel like I was doing it. I was GENUINELY upset when Jaitee said that my blogs were boring. That wouldn't have been a THING in the past.
I don't know. Maybe I should continue through the rest of April. It feels wrong to just leave BEDA hanging. I guess you'll know what I decide based on whether or not I blog in the next few days.
Annnd. I deleted stuff AGAIN. Sheesh.
Oh, and also, on a happy note:I love this song at the moment.
-Leah
I'm a college student in the Southeastern United States. My life is pretty boring. I'll mostly be blogging about classes and other mundane things that happen to me/around me. And THAT is why this is the story of my (non) life!
First I'd like to say I don't find your blogs on the collab channel boring. I mean, MAYBE that's because I LIKE the details of knowing your days and whatnot even though it's a WEEK after the fact or whatever. I guess it's because before we used to be CONSTANTLY IN CONTANT and I'd KNOW what was happening AS it was happening. But now I just get to read it after and I mean, it's KIND of sad but I'm kind of okay with that. I can understand why OTHERS might not find it as interesting. I feel as if I'm boring someone if I go into my day in DETAIL or whatever. I mean, it IS kind of boring but whatever. BUT. Yeah.
ReplyDeleteAS for just talking how it is. See that's kind of a FINE LINE thing. I mean... I don't know. I feel as if I'm REALLY WEIRD in how I judge someone. LIKE. Remember when I was COMPLETELY OBSESSED with Meg Cabot but I just kind of stopped because of her TWITTER style? Even Maureen Johnson! BUT WITH FRIENDS. See, if we were talking and you SAID something to me, we'd be able to TALK about it and try and get it UNDERSTOOD. But if I just read it in your blog, I'd be like, SHE'S TALKING DIRECTLY TO ME AND HATES ME! Or I could write something and YOU'D take offense to it. You know what I mean? I guess that's where the fine line thing comes in. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, it's really nice to know how someone THINKS and REACTS to something. I guess I just like STORING information on people but.. I feel as if you shouldn't have to censor yourself on your own blog just because you know someone in particular would be reading it. I MEAN, sometimes it HAS to be done (like me just declaring I hate Tennesse and everyone one in it. Not that I DO but just an example, say.)
(Right now I feel as if I'm rambling but I'll try and get to my point.)
I guess I just wanted to say I want you to keep writing what you want, no matter what. You're my friend and even though we have similiar views on some things, I KNOW some things are different. And that's okay. I'd rather KNOW than have you just KEEP IT INSIDE and feel as if you have to censor yourself. BUT. If you want to quit blogging, that's okay, too. BECAUSE. I can HONESTLY understand that feeling.
I feel as if what I have to blog is about my FEELINGS and how I feel. But it makes me REALLY uncomfortable to know someone can just READ it after and JUDGE or whatever. Even just writing a rant on how people should wear helmets made me feel weird. Plus there's the whole I HAVE TO PLEASE A READER WITH SOMETHING WITTY OR SOMETHING. I feel as if a BLOG would help me deal with some of the stuff I'm going through, but again, it's kind of lame to just PUT IT OUT THERE when I can't even admit it to myself half the time.
I'm REALLY rambling now but... Maybe you don't have to blog all the time, but if you have a random thought, go for it. As for BEDA? Even if you just blog about your day, I'd still read it and enjoy it.
TAKE CARE!
*copies so doesn't lose it if I have to do some stupid step to comment*